Refried Ridiculous

"Filling Your Uterus with Another Human Being" is Ridiculous

2009-09-25T16:08:00.000-07:00

Fancy: V had her baby.
Bec: yeah i saw that on her fb.
Fancy: she texted me a picture. he's precious.
Bec: babies. everywhere. i'm over it.
Fancy: i'm not over it. i think my uterus wants one.
Bec: my uterus wants a committed man and lots of sex....then a fabulous ring followed by an even more fabulous wedding. 1-2 months of European honeymoon vacationing followed by setting up a swank house with multiple dinner parties with flowing alcoholic beverages. then maybe a conversation about filling my uterus with another human being.
Fancy: when you say "filling my uterus with another human being" it sounds scary.
Bec: try hearing 3 separate, very graphic stories about labor and the 6 weeks thereafter. it's far scarier.
Fancy: i think i want a baby in theory but not in real life.
Bec: being around a newborn for one night...it's enough for me to realize i'm way too damn selfish for that. you can't even go use the bathroom without taking the baby.....plus all that goes into actually using the bathroom since your junk has been shredded by the damn thing.
Fancy: thats graphic. i dont want any part of that.
Bec: neither did i

Breaking up before Fleet Week is ridiculous.

2009-05-21T13:29:00.000-07:00

Fancy: (727): wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (727): ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Fancy: you'll be getting texts like that tonight.
Fancy: btw.

Bec: WHAT'S TONIGHT
Bec: I SHOULD BE EFFIN THERE MOTHER DHGODFHGKDSLFJGHEROIUGHDFKLJGHDKFJGHS

Fancy: birthday for a friend. fleet week hunting. the usual.

Bec: find a good one.

Fancy: i plan on it. i need to bone.
Fancy: and by bone i mean cuddle and cry.

9 to 5 drinking is....ridiculous?

2009-03-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

Bec: DISNEY CHANNEL RADIO IS EFFIN AMAZING.

Fancy: you're harshing my buss
Fancy: buss? buzz
Fancy: i'm drunk.

Bec: ....it's 2PM...on a Tuesday.

The Golden Globes are ridiculous.

2009-01-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

[image credit: MSN]

Fancy: Here we go.

Bec: Mama Lo just called order.

Fancy: J.Lo is not wearing any clothes.

Bec: She looks like a curtain. Seriously I think J.Lo's dress is reflecting.

Fancy: I think you could see the shine from her dress from space.

Bec: She took the whole "Golden Globe" idea too far.

Fancy: Her Globes are Golden if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Bec: Are her Globes are shining tonight?

Bec: Isn't she a [insert client here] spokes model? Or she was at one time?

Fancy: Once upon a time. But, alas, no mas.

Bec: I suppose that's a good thing as I don't think she should speak for anyone while wearing a gold velvet shimmer toga.

Fancy: She is not worth it.

Bec: J.Lo=FAIL.

Fancy: Holy wolf-man Sting!

Bec: Sting facial hair=FAIL.

Fancy: Has he been living in the wilderness for the past year? I want to give him a razor and say "please."

Fancy: Holy God, Mickey Rourke. Something on him is shiny.

Bec: This is all so strange right now.

Fancy: It's like a shock to your eyeballs.

Bec: It's like dramatic cat.

Bec: No really, why did they randomly show fug face?

Fancy: Which one?

Bec: Rumer [Willis].

Fancy: She's Miss Golden Globes.

Bec: ...she's WHAT?

Fancy: Did I stutter?

Bec: WTF is Miss Golden Globes? And if anyone should be "Miss Golden Globes" it should be J.Lo.

Bec: Table hopping? I feel like they're selling drugs.

Fancy: It looks like during commercial breaks they just wander around. Which I think would be both awesome and awkward to witness.

Bec: I'd like to just wander talking to people acting like I know them all...and then watch them twitch and fumble Because they can't remember me.

Fancy: I want to fuck with actors. I think that would be the best experience ever.

Bec: OMG Drew Barrymore. Please tell me you saw her.

Fancy: Her hair, LOL.

Bec: She looks like she wanted to revisit her role on the wedding singer.

Fancy: She looks like she just finished smoking a bowl and stumbled upon the Globes and was like "Okay!"

Bec: Drew Barrymore=FAIL.

Fancy: She must not have any friends.

Bec: Maybe they're all on what she's on

Fancy: That's still not cool. If I ever walk out of my house to the GOLDEN FREAKING GLOBES looking like that, I would hope that you would tell me that I look like a hot mess.

Bec: No worries about me telling you. I will most definitely be expressing my opinion on that hair.

[when the Jonas Brothers come on screen.]

Bec: ZOMG!

Fancy: SQUEE!

Fancy: Miley Cyrus is flouncing in the audience.

Bec: OMG if Bolt wins will Miley go up to accept??

Fancy: Um, how awkward is it going to be if Bolt wins and Miley gets up?

Bec: I'm glad we could have that same moment in different words in different places. SAME BRAIN.

Fancy: It's unreal, actually.

Fancy: Maggie Gyllenhaal's dress is a whole lotta print...and I want to have Aaron Eckhart's baby.

Bec: I'll fight you for him

Fancy: I accept your challenge.

Bec: There are too many hot men at this thing.

Fancy: It's like a buffet.

Bec: It's a buffet we didn't get invited too. I feel like a dog put outside on Thanksgiving Day.

Fancy: Once, just once, I want to participate in this buffet.

Bec: It'd only take me once.

Fancy: At the right time of the month, it'd only take me once to have Aaron Eckhart's baby.

Bec: LOL that is the way it works.

Fancy: It's all about timing.

Bec: We'll need to plan that right.

Fancy: Indeed.

Bec: Tina Fey looks like a drunken hot mess.

Fancy: She can do no wrong in my eyes.

Bec: Did I say drunken hot mess was bad? Have you seen us 83% of the time?

Fancy: Obviously you meant that as a compliment. My mistake.

Bec: Oh Renee [Zelwegger]. WTF.

Fancy: Sweet Lord, what is that?

Bec: 2009 Ursula.

Fancy: That's...wow. WOW.

Bec: Scratch Tina Fey's hot mess. We have a new winner.

Fancy: She does kind of look like an octopus.

Bec: Ursula was an octopus.

Fancy: I got it.

Fancy: Dude, we're losing steam.

Bec: It went downhill after Spielberg.

[Thanks to MSN and nymag.com for photos & links]

Clapping is ridiculous.

2008-12-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

Bec: omg i forgot bout high fiving yourself.

Fancy: IT'S CALLED CLAPPING

Bec: OMG NOT IT'S NOT.

Fancy: OMG YOU CANNOT HIGH FIVE YOURSELF.

Bec: CLAPPING IS CELEBRATORY GESTURES FOR OTHERS...HIGH FIVING YOURSELF IS THE SELF ESTEEM TO CELEBRATE YOURSELF!

Fancy: THAT'S RIDICULOUS. IT'S THE SAME DAMN THING. YOU CAN CLAP FOR YOURSELF, THEREFORE HIGH FIVING YOURSELF IS IRRELEVANT BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME THING.

Bec: BY HIGH FIVING ME...I HIGH FIVE LIFE. "HIGH FIVE, LIFE!" I SAY. WHO CLAPS ABOVE THEIR HEAD?!?! ...MONKEYS MAYBE?!?

Fancy: I CAN CLAP ABOVE MY HEAD IF I WANT TO.
Bec: OH PLEASE DO. AND LET ME KNOW HOW IT WORKS OUT...BUT IF I HIGH FIVE...AND SOMEONE SAYS.."BEC, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" AND I SAY "OH I'M HIGH FIVING MYSELF!" THEY'LL SAY "...DAMN. SHE'S CONFIDENT."
Fancy: THEY WILL NOT THEY WILL SAY "YOU'RE A LOOOOOOOOSERRRRR!!!!"
Bec: WHAT. EVER. I'M POLLING PEOPLE!
Fancy: FINE YOU DO THAT. I'LL POLL PEOPLE TOO
Bec: OH AND IT'S NOT "CLAPPING" IT WOULD BE "CLAP" B/C YOU DO IT ONCE...SO DEAL WITH THAT STD!
Fancy: I HATE EVERYBODY.
Fancy: co-worker: sorry, i do not support your opinion. Team Bec all the way.
Fancy: I HATE YOU ALL
Bec: YOU LOSE. EPIC CLAP FAIL!
Fancy: I HATE EVERRYYYBODDDDYYYYY
Bec: AND FOR THAT EPIC WIN...I HIGH FIVE MYSELF!

Scientology is ridiculous.

2008-11-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

[image credit: Details magazine]

Fancy: That pic of Tom Cruise on the cover of Details is kinda hot.

Bec: In a "I'm going to suck you into my cultish religion that causes you to never age" sorta way.

Fancy: Well, whatever he's selling, I'm buying.

Bec: They do weird things to their hands...didn't you see those pictures of Katie Holmes with blue hands? Aliens. They're turning them into effin aliens.

Fancy: But I really feel like this whole down with Xenu thing has gotten out of control. I mean, she kinda looks happy.

Bec: Because she's crazy brainwashed into thinking blue hands and cultish religion is normal.

Fancy: Well, crazy or not, if Tom Cruise asked me to be his Xenu bride and mother his Xenu children, I'd drink the kool-aid....as long as he told me every day that I complete him.

Bec: Well he could tell you forever...since they never age...or use their Xenu voodoo to Photoshop every picture taken of them.

Fancy: I'm totally fine with that. I'd love for people to think I was forever 25.

Bec: I've always had a problem with it being called dianetics...it sounds way too much like diuretics....which just seem uncomfortable.

Fancy: I happen to quite enjoy diuretics.

Bec: I mean what if being Xenu young meant blue hands and daily diuretics? Oh and no coats...because they obviously don't let their Xenu princesses wear coats.

Fancy: Maybe being Xenu means you're never cold. Again, I'll drink the kool-aid.

Bec: This is true...or maybe the blue hands are just really a sign of frostbite.

Fancy: All of their appendages seem to be intact...I'm still drinking.

Bec: just because they're intact doesn't mean they're working.

Fancy: Who needs hands anyway?

Bec: I guess no one when you have Xenu princesses and forever young couch jumpin’ husbands.

Bec: Not only does Suri never wear a coat...but she never wears socks either. I wonder if scientologist are against socks...

Fancy: Probably. They’re against everything else.

Bec: Katie Holmes always does look fabulous though...even with her epically tragic fashion sense.

Fancy: Which means that technically the diuretic point you made earlier wouldn't really apply since they don't believe in medicine.

Bec: They believe in herbs and there are many herbal diuretics...which are even crazier because it's like an unsupervised lethal dose of diuretation (yes, I made that up)

Fancy: I don't think that diuretic and lethal should be in the same sentence.

Bec: I only speak truth.

Twilight is ridiculous.

2008-11-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

Bec: so she becomes a vampire right?
Fancy: READ THE BOOKS
Bec: oh boo
Bec: don't make me go find a synopsis
Fancy: *sigh*
Fancy: yes she becomes a vampire.
Fancy: after the half-vampire half-human hybrid baby she's pregnant with eats itself out of her belly.
Bec: no
Bec: no please tell me you're kidding
Fancy: you know i'm not making that up.
Bec: A BABY EATS ITSELF OUT OF HER BODY!?!?
Fancy: well, let me rephrase.
Fancy: the baby almost kills her so the only way to get it out because the sack (sac? womb? look, i don't know) surrounding the baby is so hard (like vampire skin, keep up) is for edward to RIP IT OPEN WITH HIS TEETH. and it almost kills her so he makes her a vampire.
Bec: this is so epic

Mantyhose are ridiculous.

2008-10-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

[image credit: e-mancipate.net]

No, really. You read that right.

MAN-tyhose. Male pantyhose.

I'm having a really hard time writing this because it's so far BEYOND my realm of understanding.

I stumbled upon this website the other day called e-MANcipate, dedicated entirely to promoting the benefits of male pantyhose. Y'all, I seriously don't know how I find this stuff. This website's sole purpose is to convince men (and the general public) that the gender attachment on pantyhose needs to be stripped away. Why shouldn't men wear pantyhose if they do so desire? Shouldn't men be able to enjoy the benefits of a control top to maybe hide a little extra baggage? What if they have an uncontrollable desire to wear shorts on a cold day? Or maybe they just want to dress up their legs for the evening? The obvious answer to all of these questions is simple: mantyhose are a must for all men's wardrobe.

As a woman who is rather fond of the opposite sex, I cannot even imagine seeing this in a bar, turning to my girl friends and saying, "OMG, you guys! That guy in the mantyhose? Soooo hot!" And it's laughable to me that any woman in her right mind would do any different. Call me old fashioned, but I was repulsed when my high school boyfriend shaved his legs for sports. I like my men hairy like animal, not covered in lycra.

Okay, let's assume for a minute that I don't immediately notice the mantyhose. I'm an insanely unobservant person, especially after a few cocktails, so this is an absolutely believable situation. Or maybe he's wearing them under his pants, I don't know. So, the guy and I hit it off at the bar and decide to take the party home, where I notice the mantyhose as things are getting, er, heated. Immediate buzz-kill. I cannot imagine being turned on by peeling lycra off a man's body. OMG, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Also, is he wearing anything UNDERNEATH the mantyhose? 'Cause, uh, chafing? Not pretty and/or fun for anyone.

ALSO ALSO, I'm sorry, E-MANcipate, but this is not enough evidence to convince me that a straight man would wear these. You claim that the mantyhose make men healthier and sexier and therefore their women will be happier. And, in a way, you're right: I laughed like a hyena when I clicked through the pictures of men in tights on your site. If that's the happy you imagined, congratulations.

This blog is ridiculous.

2008-10-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Welcome friends, one and all. Our goal here at Refried Ridiculous is to provide you with the most ridiculous things happening in our world today. Whether it's pop culture, gossip, movies, television, relationships, office life, friends, family or just random events that occur in day-to-day life, our blog knows no bounds. If it's ridiculous and happening in our lives, we've got an opinion. Hopefully, you'll enjoy reading this as much as we enjoy writing it.

Welcome to Refried Ridiculous.

- Bec & Fancy